Tag Archives: Twins

We Must Rise Up Together

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I’m so disgusted and saddened that our country is dealing with another mass shooting.  I find myself compelled to write about it again because it effects all of us in the United States. When I’m upset or hurt for any reason, I tend to get introverted and pull into my own shell, like a turtle would when it’s scared.  My children tend to do this too. When they get upset they often retreat to their rooms to mope, cry, punch a pillow or just take the time to regroup then reenter the world.  I spent the last few days shocked, saddened and praying for the victims and their families.  Now that I have taken a little time to contemplate, it’s time to act.

It’s time to sign petitions and call politicians and demand sensible gun control.  We must make it harder for people to get their hands on weapons because as this latest tragedy in Las Vegas has shown us, we are not safe anywhere.  We are not safe in our schools, movie theaters, churches, malls, on vacation. If the history of mass shootings in this country shows us anything, it’s that our system for keeping us safe from gun violence is broken.

We as responsible human beings need to be part of the solution to this problem in our country.  It’s not enough to pray and hope this situation will resolve itself.  Things will not change unless we demand change. We need to rise up and collectively say that we’ve had way too much loss of life.  I want a country where I feel safe with my family going anywhere we want to in our everyday lives, and I think most people feel this way too.

Just before sending my children to school today we were discussing the Las Vegas shooting and my youngest daughter said “why can people buy so many guns?  Why haven’t they corrected this problem yet?” My son said “only the police, military, and hunters should have guns.” I answered them as honestly as I could:  “I don’t know why we are still having problems with guns in this country, it doesn’t make sense.” I then reassured my children that I would call our senators and sign petitions in order to do my part to change the situation. I said that we should think about the victims and their families in Las Vegas. It didn’t feel like it was reassuring enough to say this to my two children.  I was at a loss, can you imagine how our children feel hearing about another shooting?  I hugged them tight and told them I loved them before they got on the bus, but I was left with an uncomfortable feeling.

I don’t know how any of us can feel comfortable until there is a change in our gun laws.  My hope that other parents and citizens feel the same way I do, and rise up with me to take action.   Unfortunately, we haven’t seen change happen yet- despite the fact that we have tragedy after tragedy because of gun violence.  I worry that we will go back to our everyday lives and forget the urgency of this issue.  Too many lives have been lost, and if we fail to act I’m afraid history is going to keep repeating itself when it comes to gun violence in this country.

This isn’t the first time I have written about this issue and will continue to do so until there is change.  If you would like to read my last post on gun violence here is the link: http://wp.me/p67s3H-87

Here is a link and a sample letter put online by Mark Carman from MoveOn.org to help people form a letter to other potential activists on social media to get them to contact our politicians:

Hi,

We need commonsense gun control now, including the following:

* Ban civilian ownership of weapons designed for warfare.
* Close the gun show loophole.
* Create certificates of ownership for firearms, similar to automobiles, which should be governed by similar regulations, including the need for training, testing, and insurance.

That’s why I signed a petition to President Donald Trump, The United States House of Representatives, and The United States Senate, which says:

“We need commonsense gun control now.”

Will you sign the petition too? Click here to add your name:

http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/gun-control-now?source=s.fwd&r_by=15868008 

Thanks!

 

Please take action to make our country safe!

~Thais

Is Technology Always an Enhancement to Education?

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It’s a few weeks into the school year now, and we are settling into routines at school and at home.  I’m finding myself struggling a little with the balance of how much technology or screen time is needed in our modern life. As a busy mother of four children I often look for ways to simplify my life and make things more organized and streamlined.  In other words, I have to be careful about where I spend my time, in order to have the quality time I need with my family.  I have found that checking on all the websites at school for all four of my children can be a huge time commitment.  I have been finding that sometimes the technology used, takes away from our time as a family rather than enhancing our lives or their school objectives. I would much rather spend my time preparing a healthy meal for the family than wasting endless time on electronics checking up on the kids work at school.

Spending time with my children at night over a shared meal and staying connected over conversation is really important to us as a family.  Also, helping the kids stay on track with homework and activities is my priority during weeknights. Our school district, like many in the country is trying to utilize technology more to keep families informed and the students on track.  I think there is a role for technology in our lives, but I question how much is really needed.  Is all the technology an enhancement to the educational process?  I think the answer is complicated.

Our school district, like so many others have really pushed for using technology. Not only do we need to check my elementary children’s class Dojo they also have e-mail newsletters, phone reminders, and what seems like a ream of paper coming home each week in their folders.  When my older kids were in middle school they had remind 101, teacher websites, and blackboard to check each night.  It felt like a part-time job just checking up on all this stuff for four children.  Finally, I said to my middle schoolers that they needed to take ownership of looking up all the stuff.  If they needed help organizing themselves I would help them, but I didn’t want to be in the position of having to spend my nights checking up on them.  If their grades slipped I would have to take a more active role in the process of checking all the sites.

Our schools started encouraging students to bring their own devices from home because the schools don’t have enough computers, tablets or even calculators for all the students…not to mention the fact that the high school has outdated or not enough books.   They provided access to the textbooks online for kids that normally wouldn’t have a textbook, but if you don’t have a computer or a tablet at home available to use, this plan doesn’t work for them.  What about the students that need to open a real book and touch the pages because of their learning style?  Not all children work well on computers.  In our high school and middle school the WiFi was too weak to support all the students on the network anyway.  Our family struggled with using three computers for six people because reading a textbook online is not a quick activity.  Last fall we invested in another notebook computer for our teenagers because it seems like everyone is trying to use a computer at the same time for homework.

A large problem with this plan for our schools to use more technology is that not all the students have devices at home, so it becomes a situation of the economically advantaged kids versus the struggling families.  Isn’t the point of public education that all students have access to a free and quality education?  Fortunately, our family is in a position where we are able to afford many of the things our children need for school, but I am well aware that there are many families in our town; state and country are struggling economically.  As a teacher, I was aware of the financial stress on families in both New Jersey and here in North Carolina.  Some families struggle to send in pencils and basic supplies to school, forget providing electronic devices for all their children to access text books and their class work online.

Even the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) agrees that our use of technology is complicated.  They don’t give a number of hours they recommend to use electronics for school age children but they state that it shouldn’t interfere with sleep, healthy physical activity, or substitute for in person social contact.  Each family is encouraged to set up a plan that works for their family life using a tool they provide on their website www.aap.org .  The AAP recommends that children under age six should only have one hour of quality programming that parents should co-view with the child.  I feel like the American Academy of Pediatrics really does a poor job of making recommendations for the school age child because it’s not specific enough.  We parents are supposed to go from one hour of supervised media use for our children up to age five, and then a six-year-old doesn’t have a set limit on time and does not need to be supervised on media devices?  This is potentially a large jump in media use for children at school and at home after age six.

I know parents have to figure out what works for their individual child but if the experts can’t give concrete advice, how are we supposed to navigate this issue as parents with confidence?  I feel like the AAP has to be more assertive and that school systems need to be careful about where and how they expect students and families to use media.  There are a lot of ramifications for not considering a careful position on media use on our youth such as lack of social skills, trouble sleeping and an increasing number of obese children in our country.  The stakes are too high not to consider all these issues carefully.  We are potentially setting up future generations to have some serious health and social problems if we are not careful regarding media use in our youth.

I think media use can be very positive as a learning tool in schools and at home but I wonder if it has enough educational benefit to be used so pervasively for children.  As an adult I use media a lot for my writing and publishing of my blog so I see the benefits first hand.  I also think that media use has increased our communication between parents and schools, and that is a good thing.  However, I am leery of media substituting the old ways of teaching our children that have proven value over time.  Just because something is new doesn’t make it more valuable educationally.  We can’t forget to consider the long-term ramifications of using our new media tools with children at home and in our schools.  What do you think about all the media use by our children?

Peace and Love,

Thais

A Few Words of Wisdom for my Teens

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Parenting teens is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but there are a lot of wonderful things about entering the early adulthood stage.  Although, there will be some sadness that they will be leaving the nest soon, I’m ready for this next stage of development.  I wanted to post a letter I wrote to my twin daughters recently for their birthday sharing some words of wisdom about life with them.

Dearest Daughters,

On the day you begin your 18th year of life, I wanted to share a few words of wisdom with you.  You are entering into adulthood and there are many changes that will be happening over the next year or so.  At times you may be nervous or anxious about the choices you are going to make, but I don’t want you to worry too much about them.  You both have the tools you need to make these decisions.  Have confidence in yourself because I have no doubt that you will make the right choices for yourselves.  Both of you are intelligent, hard-working individuals and you will find your path.

We have been very impressed with how you went out and found jobs and have worked diligently to try to add to your college savings and contribute toward car expenses. The responsibility you are learning at work and home will serve you well in life.  As you know, there are a lot of priorities to balance, once you become independent.  These aren’t skills you can learn in a classroom they must be learned through experience.

Your father and I will always be here to support you and guide you in this new chapter of life.  Becoming an adult doesn’t mean that you’ll be exempt from making mistakes it just means that you have the skills to solve them or seek help for them.  Throughout life, you will continue to learn and grow from your mistakes.  I still seek advice from my parents and I’m in my forties!  Both of you have handled some difficult situations and you have grown from those experiences.  You were able to work through problems with the help of family and friends and have become sensitive, caring individuals who have good values.

Although, you will have some stress in this next year, please remember to take the time to enjoy your new freedoms like choosing a college, and deciding where to live.  This is such an exciting time of life and I hope you appreciate the good things that will come to you through hard work and perseverance.  Even though I will be nostalgic because your childhood is ending, I’m mostly excited for the possibilities ahead of you.  I loved this phase of life you are entering into…making choices and reaching for goals you set for yourself.

We chose to give you the gift of travel this year because we know that you will gain so much from the experience.  You will expand your awareness of other cultures and see the similarities and differences to your own world.  I hope it will give you a sense of how many possibilities are there for you in the future! Your Dad and I discovered a love for travel when we were young and it definitely influenced us as people and how we see our role in this world.

You both have chosen some wonderful friends that will support your dreams and goals.  Of course, you can always count on Dad and I to be your biggest cheerleaders in life along with your siblings, grandparents and extended family.  It’s time to spread your wings and fly ladies.  You have so much to experience in life.  I look forward to witnessing and being part of the journey with you!

With all my Love,

Mom xoxo

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Me and Twin A and B shortly after they came home. Can you believe I grew them at the same time! Its hard to believe they fit inside me.  What a big change from the picture above!

 

Same Age, Different Needs

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My first conversation about how babies are born was the hardest for me because I wasn’t expecting it to happen when my twins were so young.  My twin girls were five and in Kindergarten, I guess I expected them to be older at least second or third grade before the questions started.  I forgot one of the most important things I had learned as a parent of twins, expect the unexpected.  My husband and I have been blazing our own trail with our family since my pregnancy was confirmed and I was told I was carrying twins.  We have been experiencing everything a little differently than most parents we knew.  From preterm labor, the NICU, to tandem breastfeeding, everything was always more complicated with two babies.  Once our twin girls were born, we had two personalities to contend with at each stage.  Often, we had two different needs to be met at the same time.  Everything was amplified with two children at once.

When my daughter asked about the birthing process it was in the most awkward location… the car.  We always seem to be in the car when the kids ask difficult questions! I don’t think they want to look at me as I give the answer.  It seems it’s safer for them to ask the difficult questions when they are strapped into their car seats, and I’m a whole row away from them.  Somehow, it’s less awkward when we aren’t face to face.  Maybe they ask the difficult questions in the car because I’m trapped with them in a small space.  I have no other distractions, except keeping the car on the road.

In hindsight, it makes perfect sense that my kids were curious about how children were born.  I was pregnant with a second set of twins and I was at the end of my second trimester.  I was huge from the pregnancy and they could feel the babies kicking me from inside when they snuggled next to me.  They couldn’t even get their arms around me to hug me because I was getting so big.  They knew that things were progressing in my pregnancy and that the babies would be born in a matter of months.  We were preparing for when I would go on bed rest.  Since my girls had been born prematurely, it was highly likely I would go into pre-term labor again.  It seemed like we were constantly talking about our new additions to the family and our plans. We were going from four to six.  Two sets of twins is a lot to adjust to for five-year olds, it was a lot to adjust to even for adults.

One day, as we were making the short drive home from school, I heard a small voice ask from the backseat… “How will the babies get out of your belly Mommy?”  “What?” I say as I look at her in the rearview mirror with saucer eyes.  Then I quickly put my eyes back to the road, hoping she didn’t sense my panic.  As I put my attention back on driving, I straitened the car because we had begun to drift out of our lane.   She repeats the question, this time a little louder.  I heard her the first time; I just needed a moment to recover.  She clearly caught me unprepared to have a detailed sex education class in the car.  To give myself more time to contemplate how detailed I should be with my five-year olds, I gave her a simple answer.  I told her “the doctor will help me as I push the babies out.”  At least, that’s how I hoped it would happen.  That’s how our girls were born, but I knew anything could happen with a twin pregnancy.  My husband and I had to be prepared for our birth plan to change.  I didn’t want to go into different scenarios with my young children and scare them. Luckily, we arrived home safely, and she was satisfied for the time being…

When we got inside our house, I settled the kids down in front of the television with a snack to keep them occupied. This was my emergency distraction technique.  Because we didn’t allow the kids to watch a lot of TV, they were usually entranced when it’s on.  Even the commercials were entertaining for them because we watched so little “live” programming.  I quickly phoned my mother for advice.  She’s a psychologist, and asked her opinion about what age it’s appropriate to tell kids about sex and the details of birth.  In a hushed voice, so my kids wouldn’t overhear me in the other room, I recap the conversation I had in the car with my daughter.   I said to mom “I think she really wanted an answer, and that I should give it to her…. but she’s so young!  I don’t think I’m ready for this.”  I’m sure I sounded slightly stressed to my mom.  Since this was my first detailed reproduction question from one of my children, I didn’t want to do or say something wrong.  I was feeling the pressure to do it the “right’ way…whatever that is.

My mother concurred, that if your child asks the question, they are ready for the answer.  I knew this to be true from my developmental psychology studies, and it was also my gut instinct as a mother.  It was good to have another opinion though, especially if it’s professional back up.  It made me less panicky, and gave me confidence to face the next discussion with my kids.  I knew the conversation would come up again, and that I would most likely have to field the questions on my own.  My husband Vince has a way of ducking out of these things or being conveniently absent when they come up. He had very little to add when I told him what happened in the car that day.  He just shook his head in disbelief that we were at the stage of having “the talk.”  Vince was grateful I had fielded the tough questions that day.

As predicted, when the conversation came up again, I was alone and in the car with the kids.  The same child who asked last time we were in the car, asked again how the babies would be born.  She had me trapped in that small space, and I knew there was no putting off my inquisitive child this time.  I was prepared though, I started with the same answer as before, “I’ll push the babies out with the doctor’s help.”  Then my daughter asked the follow-up question I was anticipating.  “But where does the baby come out of your body?”  Obviously, she put a lot of thought into her question, she wanted the details. Her twin sister, on the other hand, promptly slapped her hands over her ears and kept shouting “La… La…La…” at the top of her lungs, while scrunching her eyes closed, so she wouldn’t hear the answer or possibly read my lips from the rearview mirror.   I decided that my other daughter wasn’t ready to hear the specific details of childbirth, based on the dramatic lengths she went to, in order to ovoid my answer.  The twin, who wanted the information, would get the whole truth.

I decided to finish the discussion at home with my daughter since her sister was making such a racket in the car, with her noise blocking technique.   It’s hard to concentrate on a serious discussion, when someone is shouting in the background.  Also, my curious child deserved a quiet moment to consider my answer and ask follow-up questions.  Believe me, there were a lot of follow-up questions!  I learned from this experience, and other conversations I had with my girls, that I don’t need to pressure myself to cover all the information perfectly in one sitting. Often, our initial conversation would be the beginning of an open dialogue about a topic.

In addition, to having an open door policy for any discussion, I learned to check in with my children separately after sensitive conversations.  Since I was dealing with two unique personalities, I needed to keep in mind that my children wouldn’t always be comfortable asking questions, or telling me how they feel about something in a group setting.  The daughter who covered her ears in the car, usually needs to have alone time to process the information or events as they happen.  She usually approaches me afterwards, when I’m alone, to discuss things further.  I also seek her out to make sure she knows I’m available to talk, when she’s ready.  In this particular case, she wasn’t ready to discuss how children were born, so the discussion was tabled for a long time.  In fact, she never asked follow-up questions.  When I asked her about it recently, her answer was “I knew the answer Mom; I just didn’t want to talk about it, or hear it being discussed.”

The experience of having started the talk about how children are born with my twin girls in the car made me realize, that even if two kids are the same age (mine were literally five minutes apart) they aren’t always at the same maturity level, in terms of what information they can process. They might prefer different styles of receive the information too. One of my twins wants to talk the other prefers to read about topics.  Until this discussion came up in the car they were always involved in the same important discussions together at the same time, but it made me reevaluate how I would do things going forward.  I would have to tailor my parenting to each child.  My girls couldn’t be treated the same way, especially when discussing sensitive issues or topics.  One size fit all parenting doesn’t work for us, because twins have different personalities and needs, just like all siblings.

Peace and Love,

Thais

PS. Check out our Facebook page Doubly Blessed and Stressed!

 

 

 

It’s Not the Most Wonderful Time of The Year, For Me

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The holiday season can be a difficult time of year for me and I think it can be hard for other people too.  We are inundated with happy holiday images in advertising, holiday cards and it seems like everywhere you go they are pumping in Christmas music full blast. I find all of the hype before the holidays depressing because it doesn’t feel real, or represent how I’m feeling inside.

The happy glimmer of the holiday season ended when I was about seven or eight years old.  My brother and I went to bed on Christmas Eve at my Grandparents house in Boston excited that Santa would visit, leave presents, and eat the cookies we left out for him.  I was giddy with excitement and having trouble sleeping, but I started to nod off after a while…then I heard a thump on the roof of the house.  Suddenly, I was wide awake.  I was convinced it was Santa landing on the roof, I met my brother in the hall and he agreed that the sound we heard was Santa’s sleigh landing.

We decided it was our chance to see Santa in person.  We crept partway down the stairs to peek into the living room where the Christmas Tree was across from the fireplace.  We expected to see Santa but we were faced with the very disappointing truth, that Santa was a lie perpetuated by everyone in our family.  There was no room for doubt that Santa didn’t exist because we saw our birth mother wrapping presents and our Dad eating the cookies with Grandma that we left out for Santa.  We crept back up the stairs shaking our heads in sadness and disbelief at the scene we just witnessed.

When my magical thinking was destroyed for me all those years ago, I no longer looked at the world in the same way.  I could finally see behind the sheen of lights and glitter-that the holiday hype of the perfect Christmas gathering didn’t exist.  I was looking more closely at things, and I was finally aware of the family tensions that must have been there before.  I just never noticed them because I was too young, and distracted to recognize what was right in front of me.

Christmas was hard work for my Grandma who hosted our family.  She was up at an early hour, cooking all day and then had to deal with family drama at our dinner gathering between various family members on top of taking care of my Grandfather who had a stroke.  When the celebration was over, Grandma had a big clean up after everyone went home. Grandma told me that the day after our Christmas gathering was always a little depressing for her.  She called it the holiday let down.  I’m usually relieved when the holiday season is over because I find it stressful.

Within a few years of discovering Santa wasn’t real, my family changed dramatically.  My parents split up and then my father married my new mother (she adopted me when I was older). We still had our Christmas Holiday visits to Grandma’s house but it had a very different feel to it with my changed family.  I had grown up very suddenly, when my birth mother left our family. The Holidays from that point forward were a mixture of sadness as well as good times for me.

I was excited to start a new tradition of celebrating Hanukkah with our new Mom and Grandparents in addition to Christmas with Dad’s side of the family.  The highlight of the season was connecting with family and friends who loved us and supported us.  It was also a sad time with the loss of our birth mother.  We were still adjusting to living with our new Mom and the Christmas holiday just didn’t feel festive to me.  I was a sensitive kid and being aware of all the changes in my life made it hard to buy into the idea that it’s the most wonderful time of the year.  Let’s face it; life isn’t like a Norman Rockwell painting for most people. I was just aware of this from a young age because of the events in my life.

Becoming a parent made the holiday season better for me because I always try to make it fun for my kids.  Life always seem better to me when I’m doing nice things and giving gifts to other people.  It makes me feel like I have a purpose during this time of year. Preparing for the holidays together by baking, and decorating has become a tradition for us.  Sharing our special celebrations and eating favorite holiday foods together make the season meaningful to us.

This year, I haven’t been enthusiastic about the Holiday Season for several reasons.  It’s the first time we will be spending a holiday in New Jersey without my beloved Grandmother Selma who died last May.  We will miss her presence during our family visits.  Also, my father-in –law is very sick with cancer and has gone into hospice care this past week.  My husband will be losing his father, and my children will be losing another grandparent soon. It’s just a very sad time for my family, and it’s hard to feel festive and bright with the year we’ve had.

Although the Holiday Season has gotten better for me over the years, it always seems like a mixed bag emotionally.  I usually feel a little depressed, but there is enjoyment mixed in too.  I try to focus on being present in the moment when visiting with family and friends.  I’m thankful for the connections we have with each other and time we have together.  If I seem a little quiet, and not as festive as the people around me it’s just because I’m struggling a little.  Remember there might be other people struggling too-with divorce, sickness, death of a loved one, or any other number of life’s stresses.  Our life stresses don’t stop just because it’s the Holiday Season.  I find that the light always shines through, and spring always comes, but this is definitely not the most wonderful time of year for me.

Wishing you Peace and Love,

Thais

 

It’s Treatment Time Again…

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I have been counting down the days to my next Botox treatment.  My anxiety and dread for the treatment peaks about a week before I go into my appointment.  I dread the Botox injections because not only do the 25-30 shots around my skull, neck and shoulders hurt and leave bruises for days, they also trigger severe migraines for a few days before I benefit from the injections.  In other words, I’m worse for the short-term before I see the benefits from the Botox treatment.  Each time I go into the neurology office and review my symptoms and issues since my injury, I feel like I relive the ordeal a little… I deal with the stress and anxiety in several ways as I approach my appointment.

As each day passed this week, I gave myself a little pep talk.  These are the things I remind myself daily as I approach my appointment:

  • I’m grateful for having such a wonderful neurology group
  • The short-term pain is worth it… to have the benefits of the treatment
  • The Botox makes my migraines overall less severe, and I even have some mild and pain-free days
  • I remind myself how awful the pain was before I started getting the Botox injections

I have several other ways I deal with stress of anticipating my Botox injections.  I try to meditate each day and have quiet time to pray and reflect.  I do practical things, like stock up on easy meals for my husband Vince to prepare while I’m feeling bad.  I block off my schedule for several days.  I remind Vince to do more of the drop off and pick ups of the kids for a few days after my appointment.  I also remind the kids that I won’t be feeling my best.  Unfortunately, my family has had to get used to my limitations since the injury, but it doesn’t hurt to remind them, especially the kids!

Another way I deal with the stress of anticipating my treatments, is to distract myself by doing something I enjoy.  I love to walk in nature and particularly in the mountains of North Carolina.  I spent this past weekend in the mountains with my family and took the time to really enjoy the amazing views and fresh air.  I basically unplugged from my electronics and tried to enjoy each moment.  As I walked with my dog and enjoyed the mountain views I felt connected to the earth.  Somehow my problems were put into perspective by being surrounded by the majesty of the mountains.  The stress seemed to melt away.

Please send healing thoughts and prayers my way…It helps to know I’m not alone.

***This post was originally published a 10/19/15.

Peace and Love,

Thais

Happy Birthday To My September Babies

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I wrote a letter to my younger set of twins for their Birthday last year, and I thought I would share it again.  Even though they are a year older, not much has changed in their development.  The relationship they have with each other and the sentiments behind the letter are the same.   I think all siblings struggle at one time or another in their relationships.  Some of the things I mention in the letter, are universally true and not unique to my children’s experiences.

Dear Babies,

I hope you realize how excited we were to welcome you into this world!  Dad and I decided that our family was not complete when your big sisters went to Kindergarten.  We knew we had a lot more love to give, so we decided to expand our family.  We thought we would have three children but we were blessed with four.  I was a little nervous when I found out we were having twins again and Daddy was great with me.  The first thing he said to me was they’ll be buddies!  He was so enthusiastic that I couldn’t really be nervous anymore. Daddy grew up in a large family and he was so close in age to two of his brother’s that they were his best friends growing up.  He wanted that experience for both of you.  Dad was right, you will always have a special relationship with each other and it started from day one.

You used to kick each other while you were growing inside me.  It seemed like one of you would kick on one side and the other would respond to the movement with a kick of your own as if to say “I’m here too, don’t crowd me!” We knew your big sisters would be older than you when you were born and might not want to interact or play much with younger siblings.  It turns out, that your big sisters were like twin mammas, who wanted to hold and snuggle with you from the beginning.  They loved helping you and showing you the world!

Now that you’re older, and you have disagreements from time to time with each other and your big sisters, I want to tell you that this will change over time.  My relationship with my brother at your age was filled with arguments too!  We learned to compromise and appreciate each other, and slowly stopped irritating each other so much.  As you know, your Uncle and I are very close now.  When you fight, I still see how close you are underneath all the temporary drama.  You wouldn’t be able to get under each other’s skin so much if you didn’t really know each other well.  Please remember in your moments of frustration that you are loved by each other, and that’s why the arguing is so painful.  As you get older and are able to manage your disagreements better you will be glad you were able to learn how to compromise and continue to build your friendships with each other into adulthood.

I know you hate when I call you my babies, so I want to explain why I do it.   I feel like I have earned the right to call you my babies because I spent almost nine months growing and nurturing you before you were even born.  After you were born, my days were busy with all the feedings and diaper changes and the absolute dependence on Dad and me to take care of you.  I feel it’s my right as your mother to call you my babies.  Maybe you will understand, if you become a parent one day.  After all, G.G. (Great Grandma) still called Grandma and Aunt Barbara her babies until she was almost 95!  I feel like it’s a long-standing tradition in our family.   You can always come to me for comfort or advice when I’m old and grey, like I did with G.G. and still do with Grandma.

On this happy occasion know that you are loved dearly by your Dad and Mom.  We wish you a great year filled with laughter, dreams, learning (to help you achieve your dreams), health and most of all Love!

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Mom and Dad xoxoxo

Note: This was previously posted on 9/15/15 with the exception of some of the wording I updated at the end because our beloved Grandma (G.G.) died this year.

 

School Starts Soon

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When school lets out for the summer, I always feel a little panicky about how we will fill up all those weeks off.  I like having vacation with the kids, but I also like the predictability of my schedule during the school year. It’s much harder for me to carve out time for myself, or to write when I have a household of kids that seem to interrupt me every minute with something “important.”  I wrote this last year in my August post Back to School, Back to the Routine: 

“ I feel like we have had enough unstructured time and it’s time for a change.  I love my kids so much, but I like them better with less free time.  When they are bored, they get on each other’s nerves, and as a result get on mine.  As someone who suffers from migraines, having the kids indoors in the extreme heat and humidity of North Carolina summer, can be tough.  It get’s loud with four kids!  Here in North Carolina, the kids start school the last week in August, and I feel like I’m ticking off the days until it starts.”

Even though it’s a year later,not much has changed for me when it comes to the kids having trouble respecting my boundaries.  The one improvement this summer has been that my teens can drive and that they have part-time summer jobs which have kept them a little busier.  Otherwise, it’s been one long summer of togetherness.

We had a beach trip in early summer and an amazing trip touring California but now that summer is winding down and we don’t have any more travel plans to look forward to, time is moving very slowly for the kids.  Several of them (teens) are dreading the start of school while I feel giddy that I’ll have a block of free time again.  It makes the teenagers angry to see how happy I get about school starting.  They think I’m mean to want them out of the house.  Mostly, I think they are offended that my world doesn’t revolve around them.  I have my own interests, and I have health issues (migraines) that make it hard having noisy house all the time.  My reply to them when they complain about my joy at school starting is that “we have been together, for the most part, 24 hrs 7 days a week over the summer. I’m ready for a change.”  A healthy consistent five days a week, six hours a day break from each other.  They know I love them but somehow I’m a mean mom for not wanting to spend every moment with them.  They’ll get over their disappointment in me…I’m sure I have done a lot worse as a parent than wishing they would go to school.  Also, they never get mad at their father for wanting to go to work or do other things without them.  Now that’s a double standard!

Unfortunately, my younger daughter broke her wrist the other day cart wheeling and doing hand stands in the yard.  My injured daughter has been very grumpy from the pain and swelling.  I hope things get a little better for her in the next few days, as the swelling recede.  She is my sunny child, with a positive disposition so when she is grumpy it throws thing off in the house! The one activity my younger kids look forward to is swimming in the neighborhood pool.  Now my daughter can’t swim for a month…unless the rubber sleeve I ordered to cover the cast can provide an airtight seal. I keep telling myself to be grateful it was a relatively minor injury, and that it could have been worse. I’m hoping it only takes the month they expect to heal.

Luckily, my parents are visiting this week.  We are looking forward to quality time with them.  We always love when family or friends visit us here.  Having my parents in the house will cheer everyone up and create more positive energy before school starts.  Plus, I get the kids to help organize and do a deeper cleaning of the house before my parents arrive.  A clean house is always a good thing in my book.  Since my parents leave just before school starts, I will have a clean and organized house to start the new school routine.

It’s unbelievable, how many toys, shoes, books, are around the floor on a daily basis.  The general messiness/clutter that happens in our house when four kids are home most of the time is overwhelming.  Somewhere around the end of June I just gave up hounding them constantly to clean up their stuff.  I don’t provide maid service for my kids; I expect them to clean up their own messes.  I just didn’t have the energy to argue about who puts what away each day.  I just tell them they can’t have any friends over, or leave the house until they clean up.  It’s the natural consequence for their actions.  So the kids close the doors to their rooms and our house looks like we are budding hoarders until the big clean up, or they want to be social whichever comes first.  Thank goodness the teens like to drive and be social otherwise our house might explode from the clutter!

 

Good luck to all the other parents getting their kids ready for the school year.   I hope establishing the new routine goes smoothly.

Peace and Love,

Thais

PS.  Check out Doubly Blessed and Stressed on Facebook!

My Experiment With Taking a Digital Sabbath

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As a busy mother of two sets of twins it often feels like I don’t have enough time for myself, especially in the summer.  It feels like I’m constantly on call for the kids and sometimes it feels that way with my online life. It doesn’t feel healthy to me mentally, if I don’t a take a break from the constant demands on my energy. No matter what I do to encourage self-reliance in my children, it feels like the kids are constantly asking for me.  I hear “Mom” being called out countless times during the day.  I’m sure there are other parents that can relate to this phenomenon! My life requires me to be available for my kids unless my husband or another trusted adult can take over for me.  The one area I can control in my busy life is how often I’m responding to, and actively participating in the digital world.

I have wanted to take a break from social media and my online activities over the weekends for a while.  I need to create more balance in my life in order to feel healthy. I wrote about my need to for this balance and the need to preserve my mental energy in my post Please Don’t Give Me Another Thing To Do! in April http://wp.me/p67s3H-mo  Then in May I read a post on Facebook about taking a Digital Sabbath.  The post was written by Elizabeth Gilbert the author of Eat, Pray, Love and Big Magic. Her post really resonated with me on this subject, so I decided to experiment with taking my own Digital Sabbath. What did my Digital Sabbath look like?  I closed down my computer and stop using the internet on my phone. No social media or e-mail from  Fri afternoon until Saturday evening or Sunday morning. I’m a mother of four kids, so I couldn’t completely turn off my phone. I decided to use my phone only as a camera and to make and receive calls.  Basically, I decided to ignore the fact that my phone is a small computer that I can take with me everywhere.

At first, It felt strange not to check e-mail or notifications on social media.  Then I began to embrace the feeling of not being on call… at least in my digital life.   I was able to really focus on connecting to my family and nature.  I find it interesting to see where my thought process goes when I’m able to rest from the constant feedback of the digital world.  I feel less distracted and I have the ability to be more creative. I have written a lot of poetry in these quiet moments.  Also, I can focus more on my relationships with people when I have a healthy break from the constant feedback of my digital world.  It’s easier to be present in the moment to connect with people, and your spiritual life when you are disconnected from the digital world.

During this experiment with my Digital Sabbath, I remembered that when I was growing up my family used to really unplug in the summers.  At the time, I didn’t always appreciate being unplugged, but now I can look back and see what a great experience it was. We would spend our summers in Cape Cod once school let out for summer.  We had a small house down the street from the beach.  This was in the 70’s and 80’s before a personal computer and the internet were part of everyday life.  Even in this simpler time (electronically), my family chose to tune out the excess noise of life.  We didn’t have a television or working phone in our summer home.  Our only “plugged in” entertainment was the music we played on the stereo in the living room, and a small radio in the kitchen.  Otherwise, we needed to entertain ourselves with the beach, friends, bikes, books and a few toys we had in the small house.

Several things happened in those slow moments during the summers of my childhood.  In our eagerness to fight back boredom, we learned self-reliance and how to creatively pass the time.  We used our imagination to invent games, do creative projects and find ways to enjoy our surroundings.  I was even convinced to play Dungeons and Dragons (something I would never ordinarily do) by my brother and his friends because it was a different experience.  I never would have volunteered to play some of the games, or participated in some of the activities I did over the summer, if I hadn’t been trying to fight boredom.

We enjoyed going to the beach, but once the novelty of swimming each day wore off we found other ways to enjoy the Cape. We picked wild berries, went beach-combing on our long walks along the beach and took bike rides by ourselves.  Without the opportunity to have down time or boring moments, we wouldn’t have come up with all the interesting ways we passed the time.  Knowing how most kids are, we would have done the easy thing and vegged out watching T.V., given the opportunity.  I’m grateful that I had these early experiences of unwinding and connecting with the world around me, otherwise it would be difficult to do as an adult.

As a teacher and a parent, I have always thought that giving children time to get bored over the summer and on weekends was important because they use their imagination more.  It has been amazing to watch my kid’s imaginary play over the years, when they can’t turn to the easy entertainment of T.V. computer and video games.  Of course, most kids would choose to fill the time with the digital world if you don’t insist on unplugging once in a while.  One of the reasons why I enjoy our family time in the mountains of North Carolina so much is that we don’t have an internet connection when we go there.  I don’t have to police how much computer time the kids get. I spend most of my time reading, writing in my journal, hiking, talking and playing board games with the kids.  Not having an internet connection in the mountains forces us to interact with each other and nature more.

This summer, I’m going to continue to experiment with my Digital Sabbath and encourage my kids to unplug more too.   If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the business of life, and more specifically your digital life, I encourage you to try taking a Digital Sabbath too.

Peace and Love,

Thais

P.S. Here is the link for Elizabeth Gilbert’s post on taking a  Digital Sabbath:  https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz/posts/1028838933864888:0

 

The Blessings of Nature #2

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In the wake of the terrible news this week in Florida, it’s hard to feel positive about the world we live in or even feel gratitude.  When the world seems to be crazy around me, I feel it’s even more important to take the time to appreciate the good things in life.  I hug my kids a little more, and I slow down so I have the opportunity to process what’s going on in the world.  By taking time to regroup and get centered, I then have the energy and emotional fortitude to focus on being part of the solution to the problems. I become a much more positive person and I’m able to give more of myself.

I think about the instructions we are given when we are flying on a plane.  We are told to put our own oxygen masks on first when the cabin is depressurized. Once we have taken care of ourselves, then we are able to assist our children or others around us.  If we don’t take the time to care for ourselves first, we will be unable to help those around us. In anticipation of my Botox treatments for my migraines this week, I decided it was a good idea to go to the mountains first for a long weekend.  I wanted to have some time for rest and relaxation with my family after the end of school year chaos, and before my medical treatments.  As I have written before, anticipating my treatment often stresses me out because I know it triggers a lot of pain and soreness.  This weekend trip was my attempt at self-care before the treatment.  The trip helped relax me a lot!   I went into my appointment Monday feeling much more relaxed about getting the injections and my recovery seems to be going more quickly this time.

We did some hiking on Saturday to Crabtree Falls which is right off the Blue Ridge Parkway. I made a point to only use my phone for photos or emergency purposes once we started our morning hike.  During our walk to the waterfall I felt totally connected to Mother Nature and the experience with my family.  When we reached the falls I was struck by the awesomeness of the nature around us.  I took some pictures and video to document the experience, then most of my time was spent observing.  I sat on a log in front of the waterfall and listened to the water rushing in front of us and felt the mist wash over us.

It was a very spiritual experience for me sitting on the log in front of the waterfall.  It was like nature was blessing me.  I felt washed clean of all worry and I was able to just absorb the beauty of the world around me.  I felt whole again connected to what is important to me….family, Earth and to God. I was at peace with myself and the world just from being in this amazing place.  When we hiked back up to our car I continued to feel this spiritual contentment and it lasted until Sunday morning.

When I started to read reports of what was happening in Orlando in the wake of the mass shooting Sunday, I got so sad and started to really despair. There is so much death, injury and suffering in Orlando right now.  I can’t even process it all… let alone my children. I decided that I needed to limit my news exposure and take care of myself right now because I still had my 25-30 Botox injections around my skull I would need to recover from after Monday’s appointment. I decided that all my pain, anxiety and stress with my treatment would be exacerbated by focusing on the events in Florida.  In order get back to the feeling of peace and contentment I had at the waterfall over the weekend, I have been visualizing being on the log in front of the falls.

Although, it’s hard to completely tune out the stress of my physical pain from my shots, and the sadness I have been feeling about the Orlando shooting…my visualization technique is helping.  I’m trying to take care of myself so that I can recover and regroup.  Once I’m recovered, I will be able to find a way to assist in the work towards ending gun violence in this country.

I feel truly grateful that I have the opportunity to connect with nature when I visit the mountains of North Carolina. I feel it truly helps me heal spiritually and stay focused on the most important things in life. I’m going to share a video I took at the waterfall…enjoy the awesomeness of nature as you listen to the falls!

 

Wishing you Peace and Love,

Thais